Article
NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Ignore previous post - the apocalypse has arrived already! Oh my God, stop everything. As if the death of Golden Girls' Estelle Getty on Tuesday wasn't bad enough, now the worst possible news in the existence of all time has broken today: Matthew Broderick is cheating on Sarah Jessica Parker. O cruel world!
First, Estelle Getty, a.k.a., Ma, a.k.a., mother to Dorothy-you-know-the-one-who-sounded-like-a-man-on-Golden-Girls. Obviously, her death this week was truly tragic news to which one's first response could only be, "God, who knew she was still alive?!" followed swiftly by "Oh God, that's awful, she was so cool - no one could do cod Sicilian like Estelle could do cod Sicilian."
Oh, Estelle. Thank YOU for being a friend
As for Matthew Broderick, this is so upsetting I hardly know where to begin. Yes, yes, I do have strong feelings for SJP, as is the obligation of all western women between the ages of 25-45. But really, this is all about Matthew.
I love Matthew. No, seriously, LOVE him. Ferris Bueller was my very first crush and I used to watch the video every day after school between the ages of seven to nine. That Celtic boyish face combined with an apparent sense of intelligence and a lack of interest in celebrity but also having genuine talent - oooh, bring it on. Yes, his strangely consistent taste in girlfriends with light hair, sharp cheekbones and pronounced noses (Jennifer Grey, Helen Hunt, SJP) did worry me sometimes as it suggested a man who looked first at the person as opposed to the personality. But hey, he and Sarah Jessica seemed happy enough so, you know, yay!
And his tendency in recent years to play unpleasant characters, generally immature men on the verge of a midlife crisis, such as in The Road to Wellness, Election and Then She Found Me, worked so well because it was, some of us thought, so the opposite of what he really was. Plus it suggested a joyous lack of vanity. So yay again!
Until now.
It has been alleged this week in the American tabs that Matthew is cheating on SJP with a 25 year old. Um, as Ferris' classmates would have once said, could he BE any more of a cliché? Welcome to Ronnie Wood-land, Matthew. They met in a bar, he started texting her, blah blah blah, then things really got going when his wife was away in LA filming the Sex and the City Movie and making tonnes of money for her family instead of staying at home and paying some goddamn attention to him, him, him. The heartless wench!
And if all that wasn't enough, this 25 year old 'youth counsellor' calls him "Matty Cakes." I said "Matty Cakes."
Ferris Bueller, I bite my thumb at you sir. I bite my thumb.
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User Comments
kyalo
24 July 2008 2:28PM
Never understood what the world saw in him. Maybe it's a female thing? Don't even think he's a very good actor - and having sat through "Addicted to Love" I think I am entitled to be judgemental. Just a bit.
jamie12
24 July 2008 3:02PM
The Maxim readers seem to be out in force here. What's the collective noun for Maxim readers? I for one quite like SJP but must confess a preference for MLP in the first name double-barreled, second name Parker stakes (not intended as another horsey ref.). As for Broderick it was evident he'd lost it with Godzilla.
nasjaq
24 July 2008 3:39PM
Woah there! What's with the Maxim reader jibe? There's a thousand reasons not to like SJP, the fact that she looks like a horse and is more mole than face are just two of them.
In a Top of the Pops stylee, here I go:
1-999) She is ultimately responsible for Sex and the City. 1000) That's it.
DomVine
24 July 2008 3:48PM
I don't have any feelings for either of them. Obviously, SJP is responsible for acting in one of the most vacuous, vapid, bubble-headed shows in TV history, and actively participating in the anti-feminist backlash described brilliantly by Ariel Levy in Female Chauvinist Pigs. Supposedly representing feisty, sassy, postmodern, post-feminist women while talking endlessly about men and wearing the Playboy symbol around her neck.
philmccracken
24 July 2008 3:53PM
The film is called The Road To Wellville.
...and then, with the twirl of a cape, the Masked Pedant was gone!
hadleyfreeman
24 July 2008 4:14PM
Oh for God's sake... I'm really not having a good week here. But in this instance, I'm blaming a heart filled with grief, grief that clouds out all brain functions. Yes. Obviously.
LasVegas
24 July 2008 4:24PM
I share in your grief.
Estelle Getty deserved her own article Hadley, we both know that...
When Beatrice Arthur goes to the gravel voiced god in the sky, do the right thing?
hadleyfreeman
24 July 2008 4:28PM
So true, and I will atone properly when that sad day arrives, LasVegas. In the mean time, console yourself with the current world of Blanche:
DoctorDB
24 July 2008 5:05PM
Congratulations to Matthew. I was gutted when I found out that he was with her, I thought surely he could do better - he was Ferris Bueller for pities sake! I feel that the world is a little more right now that he's done this.
battlekat
24 July 2008 5:07PM
I couldn't give two craps about SJP to be quite frank. She is nothing special- she's neither the most talented actress or the most attractive female.
On the other hand, I do give a crap about the late Estelle Getty- and in fact am very, very upset about her death.
katecarter
24 July 2008 5:24PM
nasjaq: "There's a thousand reasons not to like SJP, the fact that she looks like a horse ... "
Obviously an excellent reason not to like someone. No really. Of course, that makes the most loathsome movie star Flicka ...
hadleyfreeman
24 July 2008 5:49PM
And can I just add that, I may be a fashion bitch, but I never cease to find the comments about Sarah Jessica Parker's looks really kinda shocking. Somehow mocking a TV show for its superficiality only then to dismiss the lead actress because of how she looks rather ruins your argument. SJP never set herself up as some great beauty icon, she's just an actress, for God's sake. And considering the acting world is generally pretty fascistic in regards to the looks of its leading actress, isn't it a good thing to see someone who doesn't look like Jessica Alba/Biel/whatever do really well? Oh no, silly me - let's encourage total bland homogenity. And yes, I have heard the line from Family Guy comparing her to a shoe. Well done. And, um, also this really wasn't the point of this post? Oh but right, of course - how Sarah Jessica Parker looks is far worthier of attention and condemnation than her husband possibly shagging a 20something. Obviously.
hadleyfreeman
24 July 2008 5:54PM
Sorry - for "foot" read "shoe", before the pedants start. Point still stands.
Pelham
24 July 2008 6:47PM
Grow up boys - let's stop slagging off Sarah Jessica. She's not bothered about her looks so why should we? Matthew, on the other hand, is a sleazebag if he's cheating on his relationship. Dump him, Sarah, as fast as you can. You can do much, much better than a boytoy.
jamie12
24 July 2008 8:46PM
Thank you Ms. Freeman. Maxim voted SJP, the Winehouse and Sandra Oh as the 3 least attractive women on TV. You don't need to be Jacques Derrida to touch the bottom of that particular swamp.
AngloHybrid
24 July 2008 10:28PM
Sorry to ignore the SJP amnesty, but the fact that she looks more than a little like erstwhile Twisted Sister frontman, Dee Snyder, is a little disconcerting.
Come to think of it, didn't the 80s frock-rockers fade from prominence around the same time as SJP came on the radar? Hmmm? Could this be a job for Martin Bashir?
Anyway, here's a pic of Dee/SJP on a discreet make-up day...
Ramalution
25 July 2008 6:05AM
Vote Ferris!
my favorite moment with SJP was Flight of the Navigator-a fit young SJP, she had pink hair and listened to heavy metal and hung out with a robot and a spaceship.
Lovely stuff
cymrugirl
25 July 2008 10:46AM
Did you remember him in the movie Ladyhawke? Forget Ferris - he was so cute with that fake Brit accent. *swoon*
hadleyfreeman
25 July 2008 11:01AM
Well done, nasjaq and Anglohybrid: the way you skilfully focus your minds on your opinions of the looks of the wife in a story about her husband's infidelity has qualified both of you as future features editors of Daily Mail. Revel in the soft warming glow of your souls. Alternatively, with your insistence on female physical perfection, a career as a fashion designer surely awaits. Well done, kids, you have done yourselves proud.
Cymrugirl, I would also like to add Project X, The Freshman and Master Harold and the Boys as great Broderick moments - moments now irrevocably tainted. What would Sloan say? And Ramalution, sorry to do this to you but I cannot pass up the opportunity to - for once - be on the other side of a correction: it's Save Ferris, not Vote Ferris. But as we now know, nothing can save him now.
iainl
25 July 2008 11:19AM
"SJP never set herself up as some great beauty icon" - no, the show that so many men really hate did, myself included. All the haters need to do is try as hard as I do to ignore that cess-pit of consumerism, and remember how great she was in Tim Burton's Ed Wood and Mars Attacks! Broderick was one of my heroes; I'm really, REALLY disappointed with him.
iainl
25 July 2008 11:24AM
Oops - sent too soon. I was just going to add that the odd thing about the whole SJP-directed SatC venom is that she seems to be the only recipient of it. Kim Catrall is even worse in the show, but the giants that are Big Trouble In Little China and Star Trek VI give her a free pass. The fact that Teenage Me fancied the pants off her in Mannequin probably isn't something I should broadcast too much though, is it?
DoctorDB
25 July 2008 11:39AM
I never mentioned how she looks (although others do seem rather hung up on that) just how I think she's a bad egg.
hadleyfreeman
25 July 2008 11:59AM
ianl - I'm very glad you mentioned the Burton oeuvre. And she was lovely in LA Story. But I disagree that Sex and the City set her up as a great beauty. She was just some columnist in New York, one who often wore really, really weird clothes. And was frequently dumped by men. Leaving aside my personal opinion that she is hardly Quasimodo, it is not fair to say that she ever was presented as a classical beauty on that show. Yes, she was a model in some weird fashion event in one episode, but so was the former mayor, Ed Koch, and that man really ain't no Cindy Crawford. But can I just reiterate that it does seem a bit weird for so many of you to be focussing on SJP's alleged strengths and weaknesses when the damn story is about her fricking husband shagging some chick nearly half his age? God above, what does it take to get people to stop obsessing about how a woman looks? Sheesh, and Anna Wintour gets criticised...
cymrugirl
25 July 2008 12:01PM
And don't forget Biloxi Blues! It's one of those movies that whenever it's on telly, I always sit down and watch it. So very disappointed in Matthew if this all true.
SlyMongoose
25 July 2008 12:49PM
"Oh, Estelle. Thank YOU for being a friend"
Great line - great loss
Mind you, whatever the context of the story etc (and, obviously the fella's a complete sleaze and - so unfair and unpredictable, this - not like the fantasy people had of him) I still thought AngloHybrid's Twisted Sister gag was inspired!
Sorry
HenryFitz
25 July 2008 5:43PM
I thought it was enshrined in English common law that if the wife is ugly, the husband is allowed, nay obliged, to have an affair. Criticism of Sarah JP's looks therefore forms the basis of a legal argument, and should on that ground be permissible.
AngloHybrid
25 July 2008 6:43PM
Oi, Freeman, where in my previous post did i suggest looking like Dee Snyder was *a bad thing*? Disconcerting, indeed, but bad, no. One might suggest that projecting your own reading of another's opinion to suit your slant probably means your future employment is more likely to involve the Mail than my own.
jamie12
26 July 2008 8:47PM
Cymrugirl, good call on Biloxi Blues: Love that film (Anyone for Wargames with the lovely Ally Sheedy? )I very much liked the notion of MB-P and SJP-B as a married couple. There was something ever-so improbable and non-Hollywood about it. Seriously, you can't imagine Hollywood execs. deciding that Broderick should play the male lead in Failure to Launch. And now he's gone and let us all down, the dozy sod. Danke Schon, Ferris.
nasjaq
24 July 2008 2:24PM
Can't say I'm surprised. Name one man who actively likes SJP.